You are Invited to a Year of Culture

Bahrain National Museum

Every year UNESCO designates an Arab city as the Arab Capital of Culture.  This year Manama, Bahrain gets to take center stage.

As things happen in Bahrain, the “go-ahead” to officially begin the year was given at 6pm on January 9th just in time for the first lecture at 8:30pm that evening.  James Koch kicked off the year discussing the Beyeler Foundation’s achievements to a small audience tucked away in a tiny room somewhere.

Again, as things go in Bahrain, events are not well advertised.  If we did not scour the social pages to see what the Sheikhas were up to, then the visiting musicians perform and we read about them a month later.

My friend Shandra the EXPERT Court Circular scourer read that HRH Princess Sabeeka bint Ibrahim Al Khalifa, wife of His Majesty King Hamad and Supreme Council for Women President visited the Bahrain National Museum on January 11th.

“The Sheikhas were at the museum.  Would you like to go and see this exhibit?” Shandra asked.

“Of course.  When should we go?”

“The article says nothing about the time or the dates.  Check around and see if you can find out.  But I think the museum is closed on Mondays,” she said.

This led me on a search to find out what is going on.

Yesterday’s front page headline had proclaimed THE POWER OF ART and highlighted HRH Prime Minister Prince Khalifa bin Salman Al Khalifa opening the Fine Art Exhibit at the museum.

But I was distracted by BD2,000 incentive to pay Electricity and Water bills (EWA) headline.

The government is planning to give Bahrainis about $5,300 to pay off their outstanding EWA bills.  The people who pay on time get a BD500 bonus.  Why? Because EWA needs money and 75% of the past due account are residential customers.

Seems to me the Bahrainis should be celebrating their good fortune.   Not only will they get the electricity bonus, they can go to the free exhibit at the museum where they might be inspired to use their talents constructively.

Bahrain National Museum.  This first exhibit features 90 works by 54 artists and a pavilion with artwork by 16 Arab artists.  It will run through the end of January.

As the official website does not show the hours, I believe the museum is generally open 8am-8pm.  Shandra said it is closed Mondays.

The National Museum is fantastic.  It’s a great place to learn about Bahrain.

FOR RENT One Gently Used Tomb

Rental Sign on Tomb in Sar

Lease for eternity.

Compares favorably to the other 5,000 year old tumuli in the immediate vicinity.

Previous tenant left no dust but occasionally seen floating around the neighborhood.

Preferred deposit gold, silver or pearls.  No paper notes are accepted.

When I am a Centenarian I Shall Wear Purple and Tell Good Stories

I came across this tidbit today.  I edited some words to get through the censors.

By Tessie Theuma – Happy fluffy story correspondent 

Sitting on her plastic-covered scarlet arm-chair in the boudoir of her Gzira home, one would be forgiven for thinking Doris Borg is just a regular sweet old granny. But while she is indeed sweet as kannoli, she also has a more illicit side: she is Malta’s oldest working pro….tute.

The silver-haired “anzjana tat-triq“, as she calls herself, celebrated her birthday on January 2, surrounded by prominent politicians, businessmen, lawyers and members of the clergy, all of whom were in costume to protect their identities. “I so enjoyed lapping up their warm greetings,” she beams.

Doris says she has been in the world’s oldest profession ever since she can remember. She comes from a long line of ladies of the night. “My mother was a pro…te, and her mother before her. Her mother was a cloistered nun so I’m not sure what happened there. There hasn’t been a proper male member of the family for generations.”

During her long life, the centenarian has lived through her fair share of momentous events. She has particularly fond memories of World War II. “All those marines,” she says wistfully. “Some historians say the invasion of Sicily might not have succeeded had the entire British 51st infantry division not spent a morale-boosting night with me before they shipped out.”

How has she managed to live for so long? “Well I’m lucky enough to do what I love, even though I don’t love who I do most of the time. I’ve never had a break, except for my hip of course.

“Also, a Ghanaian former witchdoctor once told me his seed had life-giving properties. It appears to have worked.”

Doris admits that due to her advanced age, the market she caters for is somewhat niche. “For men who are almost into necrophilia but not quite” say her ads on Maltapark. “Oh yes, I’m very web savvy,” she says. “One of my last clients, bless him, was a  shy computer programmer, and he set up a Facebook page for me, which really helps to set up appointments since I can only cover about 30 metres of pavement in a day nowadays, and that’s with my Zimmer frame.

She says advanced age has several advantages. “Losing all my teeth has been a Godsend, I can tell you. And if someone has a foot fetish, but also likes breasts, in my case they’re in the same general area.”

Being more than a century old certainly hasn’t diminished her creativity either. “I can do more things with a tire-swing and a rolling pin than you could ever possibly imagine.”

What does she think of her younger counterparts? “Bah, in my day we used to learn everything on the job, if you’ll pardon the pun. Hook..s today don’t know they’re born, with their MCAST courses and ETC training schemes.”

Despite the fact that her more glamourous days are arguably behind her, Doris has no intentions of retiring any time soon. “No matter how old I get I won’t stop bending over backwards to make sure my clients are satisfied.”

PS I don’t think this is true as it looks like someone’s blog.  But it’s funny.

Don’t Go to Sleep This Night

August Full Moon over Iowa Corn Fields, 2011

Don’t Go to Sleep This Night

don’t go to sleep
this night
one night is worth
a hundred thousand souls

the night is generous
it can give you
a gift of the full moon
it can bless your soul
with endless treasure

every night when you feel
the world is unjust
never ending grace
descends from the sky
to soothe your souls

the night is not crowded like the day
the night is filled with eternal love
take this night
tight in your arms
as you hold a sweetheart

remember the water of life
is in the dark caverns
don’t be like a big fish
stopping the life’s flow
by standing in the mouth of a creek

during a night
the blessed prophet
broke all the idols and
God remained alone
to give equally to all
an endless love.

                              Translated by Nader Khalili
                              Rumi, Fountain of Fire

A Bahraini friend sent this poem to me today.


Happy New Year from the Ministry of Traffic

Best Parking Spot At Al Moayyed Tower - On the Front Steps

“I came out of the office and this Bahraini woman had decided to park right at the front door,” Mojo said.  “Best parking spot at the tower.”

See I am not like them.  At least when I park on the sidewalk I do it safely.

I wonder if she’ll have to go to Office 49 to resolve her ticket?

Last week, I returned to the Ministry of Traffic for the third time to clear up the tickets on Mojo’s car.  I went directly to the cashier’s office next to the detention office.  A fresh batch of faces were pasted against the jail’s plexiglass.

I waited as the cashier bundled stacks of twenty dinar bills into eight inch piles and stored them in the safe.  Finally he finished.  The man ahead of me paid his ticket with a 500 Saudi Riyal bill.  Boy did he get the stink eye.

I handed over my slip of paper and twenty dinars.  The cashier typed the number into his computer.

“You paid this already?”

“Maybe” I said. ”My husband said he paid the ticket.”

“Go see Badar,” he said stapling my twenty to the paper.  “Next door.”

I poked my head into the office next door.  “Badar?” I asked.   One man waved his hand.

“The cashier told me to tell you this ticket has been paid.”  Badar passed me over to a third man.  As the third man checked, Badar said to me,

“That is your ticket?”

“Oh no.  I’m a very good driver.  That was my husband’s ticket.”

Badar sucked his teeth.  “Do you know what the fastest speed is in Bahrain?”

I thought he was talking about the speed limit, giving me a little on-the-spot driving test. “120 kilometers?”

“No 250 kilometers.” He looked at me to see whether I was rightly shocked.  I put on my shocked face.

“The Public Prosecutor..we prosecuted him.  And you know what happened to him?”  I shook my head no.  “We put him in jail…” he said staring at me.  “For thirty days.”

He continued giving me the scolding on my husband’s behalf.

“Bahrain is a very small place.  You hit maximum speed and there is a roundabout or a stoplight.  You get there first.  Then I drive up next to you and we wait.  You see, we are the same,” he said holding his index fingers together in front of him. “You do not need speed in Bahrain,” he counseled me.

His friend checking the ticket, nodded in agreement.  “ The ticket was paid,”  he said stamping my paper.  “Go back to Office 49.”

“Thanks for the driving tip” I said.

I knew exactly where I was going.  I marched right past Information, through office 47 and 48,  and straight back to 49.

“Hi, it’s me again.” I waved my ticket triumphantly.  “The computer was wrong.”

Everything was finally squared away.  I could go to the Post Office to finish the registration.  But I thought about my tongue lashing and took a detour to Public Affairs.

Public Affairs had a large office on the second floor.  A man was praying in the middle of the room.  I looked at the four desks.  Two were occupied and both the man and the woman in hijab were talking on the phone.  I stopped at the desk of the fourth man watching a Bollywood movie on the television.  I asked him if he had any spare traffic safety posters.

He told me “One minute.  My boss is praying.”

Within five minutes, the boss finished, jumped up, and carrying his shoes, came over to see what I wanted.   He showed me a couple of posters, and as if I was in the souq, I hemmed and hawed over it.

“One minute,” he told me and left for the storeroom.

I watched the movie.  It was the obligatory dance scene.  The woman was rejecting her paramour as he danced through a throng of chorus girls.  They were tearing off his clothes.  He made it across with room bare-chested.  I missed the end when the men returned with a stack of posters.  I sorted them and assured the boss they would not go to waste.

Obligation is Safety

Tonight when I saw the SUV photo, I remembered the posters.  One will be set aside for the lady driver, but the others are for my twenty loyal readers.

Happy New Year from the General Directorate  of Traffic.

Happy 14,084

Happy 2012 that's about 14,084 on the Dog calendar

Special thanks to our doggie friend for inviting us to his New Year’s Eve beach party.  His mistress did the champagne pouring.

The Party is Over

But the party’s over… time to start having fun in 2012.

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